Taxol week 3

Lots of family and friends have asked me to post photos of my wig or bald head.  My sister took this iphone shot when we went out one night.  I get complements on my wig all of the time.  I like it.  I can see that it will be very annoying to wear during the summer.  It can be itchy and hot.  For now, it works for me.  Most of the time I wear a hat.  Hats are comfortable but I notice people stare at me with a hat on.  I kind of wish I had the courage to just go out into public bald.  I walk around my house all of the time bald but if someone comes to the door I throw a hat on.  As for my bald head photos, I'm working on it.  I've had a few ideas for some artsy photographs.  I doubt I will post them to this blog.  I have been so busy working on other photo jobs/chemo/daily life and I haven't found time to take them.  

Other people have asked me how Taxol (2nd chemo drug) is going.  My answer to them is GREAT.  For the most part I have been side effect free.  Honestly the infusion is the hardest part.  Usually during the infusion the different medicine stings as it is administered.  We are going to take some steps this week to avoid this.  After my infusion I have been exhausted.  I go home get some rest and have been able to go about my normal activities.  I do tire easily.  If I don't get a nap I am ready for bed at 8.  Since Taxol is cumulative I will be more tired as the weeks go by.  I will take Taxol any day over that awful A/C.

Since I have started Taxol and had confirmation that my tumor was shrinking I have been so happy.  I'm going to steal a quote from my friend.  "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present."  On days that I am feeling good I have tired to live life appreciating the present.  I have been elated to take a walk outside, wrestle with my kids, go out with friends or actually talk to Joe instead of sitting next to him on the couch while we channel surf.

While going through the A/C I would cry at least once a day.  Usually in the shower or if I was driving in my car by myself.  I can see that my old optimistic personality is coming back.  I'm happier and I am ready to get this cancer treatment over with.  Now the hardest day of the week for me is my Friday infusion day.  I know that the doctor will never tell me that I'm cured of breast cancer.  I do know that once treatment is over with I stand a good chance of the cancer never returning.  

At church we had a lesson on charity.  Most of the lesson focused on how we can become charitable through service, forgiveness and correcting our overall attitude toward others when they offend us.  

Right now I have a completely different vision of what charity means to me.  I have seen so many people go out of there way to help our family.  As I watch others be charitable it makes me want to be like them.  I'll fully admit it.  Sometimes I wouldn't do things for people because I thought they could help themselves or that they brought problems on themselves by making bad decisions.  Now, I realize that becoming more charitable will only benefit me in the long run.  I have been looking for small ways I can help others.  So far, I have listened to a few people tell me there problems and tried to help them.  The old me would have probably cut them off and done nothing about it.  When you have cancer it is very easy to be selfish.  My hope is that I can branch out and help others while continuing my treatment.