Monday, June 25, 2012


At 11:30 on Monday I hopped in this machine to get a chest MRI. I'm happy to report that my tumor is about 1 cubic centimeter. FYI - I started out at roughly 100 cubic centimeters in January. Dr. Grainger said that even if the chemo has completely removed all of the cancer an MRI would show scar tissue where the cancer used to be. He said that it is impossible to tell the difference on an MRI between cancer and scar tissue. It will be interesting to find out at surgery just how much of the 1 centimeter is actually cancer. The MRI did not see any cancer in the lymph nodes. Again, we will have to wait until surgery to find out if these findings are completely accurate. Dr. Grainger said he was very happy with the MRI results and so am I!!! This is a blessing and an answer to prayers. I'm so greatful for your prayers on my behalf.

When I was in the MRI machine I couldn't help but flash back to January when I had my first MRI. I had a few tears as I remembered all of the uncertainty I felt that day. I still feel uncertainty. Now that uncertainity comes with a knowledge that all of this is completely out of my control. Some people might think that this realization might lead me to more anxiety/depression/anger but it doesn't. It helps me to accept my situation for what it is. I know I can't change anything about my cancer. The only thing I can control is myself and to keep fighting.

Do I still have bad days? Of course I do! Don't think for a second that I don't get emotional about what is happening to me. The majority of my days and weeks are filled with the things that I love like my kids, riding my bike, tennis, going out with friends, hanging with Joe and expecially NOT sweating the little things in life. So far that has helped me get though this disease.

We will meet with Dr. Lilly on Thursday to discuss surgery. I have so many mixed feelings on my surgery options. One day I'm convinced to go one direction and another day I decide to choose a differet surgery. I feel like Dr. Lilly will guide me in the decision making process. I hope I am less conflicted when I leave his office. For now I am happy and I will live these next few days enjoying the weather and my family.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Check chemo off the list!!!!!

I am so excited to write this post. When I walked into my first chemo appointment in February it seemed like June 22 was so far away. Now I'm finished and I'm so thrilled to be through this phase of treatment.

Joe and I watched the iron man competition last night. It was so fun watching the winners walk up to the finish line, grab the ribbon and hold it high above their heads with a look of joy and accomplishment on their faces. Call me crazy but I kind of wanted to do that today as I left the infusion room. Maybe I even pictured Christina Aguilera's song Fighter playing in the background.
I cant believe how self sufficient my children have become. Lauren can make breakfast and lunch for herself and Jacob. Both kids fold and put away their own laundry. Jacob does our towels. They are good at cleaning spills and picking up toys. These chores are done without complaint. Lauren has even "babysat" Jacob when I needed to relax. I'm so incredibly proud of them and thankful for there unconditional love they have shown to me.  Even when I had bad days Jacob would say "I like your boy hair mommy."  HA HA!

As I look back at my chemo experience I must say that I will miss the infusion nurses. They are kind, compassionate and fun to get to know. Knowing I would get to see them made it a little easier to walk into the infusion room.  This is a photo with some of my favorites.

I'm so grateful for the people that have been around me this year. I know we wouldn't have survived without help.  This is what greated me when I walked into my house.  And the gifts started to pour in all afternoon including PJ's for the hospital and flowers from friends from out of town.
Somehow Kate  and my friend Shantell managed to be sneaky and get people to sign this card all through my cancer treatment.  She got people from school to sign it, people from church and also people from out of town who came in town to stay with me during treatment.  I was so touched by the messages on this card it brought me to tears.

I will have an MRI on Monday and meet with Dr. Lilly about surgery on Thursday. I'll post MRI results next week.

For the next two weeks I'm going to try to look back and celebrate my accomplishment instead of looking forward to what is ahead.

Saturday, June 16, 2012


I was pretty proud that I walked the entire 5K for the race for the cure.  I recently read this blog.  This woman ran the Boston marathon during her radiation treatment.  Talk about awesome!  Even though I think this is pretty cool I will not be running any marathons.  I hate to run!

In other news we have picked a radiation oncologist.  I will go to the Stephanie Speilman Breast Center at OSU.  I will see Dr. White.  She is great and I instantly liked her.  Dr. White suggested five weeks of radiation five days a week.  Radiation will start after my surgery.