If today was a typical Wednesday I would be sleeping right now. On Wednesdays I usually exercise, volunteer at the school, take Jacob to speech, take Lauren to ballet and end the day watch TV. Unfortunately today is not a typical Wednesday.
Today I will start Chemotherapy with Dr. Granger. We met with Dr. Shipiro at OSU yesterday. He was wonderful and the facility was beautiful. Dr. Granger seemed more personable and his office seemed to meet my needs. I'm sure I've made the right decision. Joe and I prayed about it last night and we both felt good about this decision. Right now I am ready to start this treatment. I know things will be hard. I know these first four treatments are going to make me sick. I'm ready to start because I'm ready to get this over with.
Over the last week I have talked with many breast cancer survivors. As I sit and listen to the stories I have felt so much compassion for these women. These women were faced with trials of infertility, marital issues, no support from friends or family and financial hardship. I couldn't help but feel grateful for my circumstances surrounding my breast cancer. I have two beautiful children. I have felt such an outpouring of love from family and friends. Joe and I have had a great marriage.
Before I had cancer I read a blog about a mom who had a baby sick with liver disease. I read this post about 5 times last summer. I even made Joe read it. I remember thinking to myself, I need to be more appreciative of what I have. I need to spend quality time with my kids.
This blog post reminded me of what should be important in life. Now more than ever I see the writer's point of view. I have a bucket list a mile long of important things I'm going to do when this is over. Nothing on that bucket list consists of material goods. Actually I do not want anything that costs money. My sister told me that Joe should buy something nice for me since I have cancer. I do not want diamonds, a new car or purse. I only want to be healthy. OK that's not entirely true. I wouldn't mind a Canon 5D.
Anyway, I have changed already. I put both of my kids to bed (Joe and I used to divide and conquor). I hug my kids until they stop hugging me. I tell Joe I love him before we go to bed. I now tell my parents I love them every time I talk to them on the phone. I'm content sitting with Jacob on the couch watching his stupid TV shows. I am patient with Lauren while I help her with her homework. I am content to stay at home and cook dinner.
I know that God has put us on this earth to learn and to grow. Do I think God gave me cancer? NO! There is a really good article that I read yesterday about a young man with cancer. You can find it here. Here is a great quote from the cancer survivor Daniel Hedlund "’I'm looking forward to seeing what the Lord has in store for me. . . . What lessons He’ll teach me. How He’ll stretch me and school me. And most of all, what He will turn me into. Where I see myself going and who I see myself becoming are very different from where God sees me going and who He sees me becoming. But each step of the way, I can see that where He has taken me is a much better place than I ever thought of for myself."