Post Surgery and Pathology Results

Okay I'll tell you my pathology results first since that is the most exciting.  After looking at my breast and lymph nodes the doctors couldn't find any CANCER CELLS!  That means that the chemotherapy knocked out all of the cancer cells or for you medical nerds out there Dr. Lilly called it a complete pathological response.  Joe and I were so happy to get this news.  Actually, Dr. Lilly left a voicemail on my phone and when I heard the news I started to cry.  Joe thought that it was bad news and I couldn't stop crying so I just handed him the phone to listen to the voicemail.  We fell so blessed.  I know that so many other women are not so lucky.

I went to Dublin Methodist for my surgery.  That hospital is so nice.  Big rooms, two tvs, one computer to check e-mail or watch netflix, quiet whenever I wanted it, a bed for Joe to stay with me at night, great nursing and room service 24 hours a day.  Oh and let's not forget all of the great pain medicine every 3 hours.  What else could you want!  I was on the same floor at labor and delivery and they played a nice soft song every time a baby was born.  If I didn't want to hear the music I shut the door.  It was great.

So now I'm home recovering from my mastectomy.  It has been hard at times but I remain very optimistic about my recovery from surgery.  I have been busy doing my physical therapy.  It is not easy but I have seen some results and it encourages me to keep going.

I'm so grateful to all of the people who have helped me.  My mom took a whole week off of work and right now my kids are at my sister's house in Virginia so I can relax and recover.  Other people have sent cards, flowers and food.  Thank you for your support.  I am happy and ready for radiation to begin. 

Countdown

We just returned from a great vacation to the Outer Banks in North Carolina.  It was so fun to sit on the beach and watch the kids play.  We had fun visiting Kitty Hawk and going out to eat.  Joe and I took naps every afternoon while the kids watched TV or played video games.  It was heaven. 

Sadly now I'm back to reality.  I'll have my mastectomy on Friday the 13th.  My cousin Sarah's birthday is on July 13th and she insists that her birthday negates any connotation that Friday the 13th may be a day of bad luck.  I'm hoping she is right.

So this week I am preparing for surgery.  I'm lucky that I have family around to help out with the kids.  They will be well taken care of.  My friend who just had a mastectomy is taking me to Hope's Boutique to shop for a mastectomy bra and prosthesis since I'm not having any reconstruction done until 2013.

I have such mixed feelings about this surgery.  I have wanted to have this surgery since day one.  I want this cancer out of my body.  On the other hand I have felt so much anxiety about having a disfigured body.  I know things can be worse but it's still hard to deal with.  I'm hoping that I will adapt to this new phase of cancer just like I adapted to losing my hair.  It was hard at first but eventually I got used to it. 

Anyway, that is about all of the time I have this week to dedicate to my blog.  These next few days are going to fly by.

MRI RESULTS!!!

At 11:30 on Monday I hopped in this machine to get a chest MRI. I'm happy to report that my tumor is about 1 cubic centimeter. FYI - I started out at roughly 100 cubic centimeters in January. Dr. Grainger said that even if the chemo has completely removed all of the cancer an MRI would show scar tissue where the cancer used to be. He said that it is impossible to tell the difference on an MRI between cancer and scar tissue. It will be interesting to find out at surgery just how much of the 1 centimeter is actually cancer. The MRI did not see any cancer in the lymph nodes. Again, we will have to wait until surgery to find out if these findings are completely accurate. Dr. Grainger said he was very happy with the MRI results and so am I!!! This is a blessing and an answer to prayers. I'm so greatful for your prayers on my behalf.

When I was in the MRI machine I couldn't help but flash back to January when I had my first MRI. I had a few tears as I remembered all of the uncertainty I felt that day. I still feel uncertainty. Now that uncertainity comes with a knowledge that all of this is completely out of my control. Some people might think that this realization might lead me to more anxiety/depression/anger but it doesn't. It helps me to accept my situation for what it is. I know I can't change anything about my cancer. The only thing I can control is myself and to keep fighting.

Do I still have bad days? Of course I do! Don't think for a second that I don't get emotional about what is happening to me. The majority of my days and weeks are filled with the things that I love like my kids, riding my bike, tennis, going out with friends, hanging with Joe and expecially NOT sweating the little things in life. So far that has helped me get though this disease.

We will meet with Dr. Lilly on Thursday to discuss surgery. I have so many mixed feelings on my surgery options. One day I'm convinced to go one direction and another day I decide to choose a differet surgery. I feel like Dr. Lilly will guide me in the decision making process. I hope I am less conflicted when I leave his office. For now I am happy and I will live these next few days enjoying the weather and my family.

Check chemo off the list!!!!!

I am so excited to write this post. When I walked into my first chemo appointment in February it seemed like June 22 was so far away. Now I'm finished and I'm so thrilled to be through this phase of treatment.

Joe and I watched the iron man competition last night. It was so fun watching the winners walk up to the finish line, grab the ribbon and hold it high above their heads with a look of joy and accomplishment on their faces. Call me crazy but I kind of wanted to do that today as I left the infusion room. Maybe I even pictured Christina Aguilera's song Fighter playing in the background.
I cant believe how self sufficient my children have become. Lauren can make breakfast and lunch for herself and Jacob. Both kids fold and put away their own laundry. Jacob does our towels. They are good at cleaning spills and picking up toys. These chores are done without complaint. Lauren has even "babysat" Jacob when I needed to relax. I'm so incredibly proud of them and thankful for there unconditional love they have shown to me.  Even when I had bad days Jacob would say "I like your boy hair mommy."  HA HA!

As I look back at my chemo experience I must say that I will miss the infusion nurses. They are kind, compassionate and fun to get to know. Knowing I would get to see them made it a little easier to walk into the infusion room.  This is a photo with some of my favorites.


I'm so grateful for the people that have been around me this year. I know we wouldn't have survived without help.  This is what greated me when I walked into my house.  And the gifts started to pour in all afternoon including PJ's for the hospital and flowers from friends from out of town.

Somehow Kate  and my friend Shantell managed to be sneaky and get people to sign this card all through my cancer treatment.  She got people from school to sign it, people from church and also people from out of town who came in town to stay with me during treatment.  I was so touched by the messages on this card it brought me to tears.

I will have an MRI on Monday and meet with Dr. Lilly about surgery on Thursday. I'll post MRI results next week.

For the next two weeks I'm going to try to look back and celebrate my accomplishment instead of looking forward to what is ahead.

What????

I was pretty proud that I walked the entire 5K for the race for the cure.  I recently read this blog.  This woman ran the Boston marathon during her radiation treatment.  Talk about awesome!  Even though I think this is pretty cool I will not be running any marathons.  I hate to run!

In other news we have picked a radiation oncologist.  I will go to the Stephanie Speilman Breast Center at OSU.  I will see Dr. White.  She is great and I instantly liked her.  Dr. White suggested five weeks of radiation five days a week.  Radiation will start after my surgery.

Race For The Cure

Ports and People

Last week I had a port put it because my infusions were becoming too painful through my arm.  Now I have a port placed in my left shoulder  For more info on my port click here.   When it comes to medical devices the less info the better.  I have passed out in a few doctor's offices so it's better that I have a broad knowledge of what the device does.  If things get too specific I may not be able to finish this post.     

The surgery went well.  I was semi awake during the surgery but I don't remember much.  I remember feeling a lot of pressure in my shoulder and hearing the doctor and nurses talking.  I remember very little about the rest of my day.  My friend took me home from the hospital and I vaguely remember driving home in her car.  Next thing I know Joe was home from work and I realized I had been sleeping/answering phone calls all afternoon.  I cannot remember what I said or did.  It was kind of scary and funny all at the same time.        

  

So many people have come to help me through these infusions.  My friend Audrey came from Texas to spend a few days with us and take care of us while I was recovering from chemo and surgery.  I have felt so lucky to have family and friends come and help us though these last few months.  I don't know what I would do without them.

This was in Lauren's backpack this week.  I have wondered how my cancer would impact my kids.  Jacob seems totally unaffected.  As long as he can pretend he is batman and beat up bad guys he is happy.  Lauren surprised me with this little drawing.  I heard her talking to a neighbor a few days ago.

Friend "Why doesn't your mom have hair?"

Lauren "She has breast cancer."

Friend "Is she going to be okay?"

Lauren "Yes she is going to be okay.  She is already feeling great."